haphazard insomnia

More than eight months working the night shift has finally started to take its toll in the form of (among other things) haphazard insomnia. It seems my body, after trying so hard to figure out exactly when to be tired and when to be… not tired, has finally thrown its hands up (not mine, my body’s metaphorical ones) and said “fuck it.” The result is frustrating, to say the least, and maddening of late. Last night I slept for twelve hours, tonight I fell asleep on the couch for an hour but couldn’t fall back once I switched to the bed.

This is not to say that the night shift hasn’t been affecting my life before, just that it seems to have reached a critical mass this month. It would help if the job was satisfying in some way, was using my degree in some way, was leading to a better job of some sort, was full of wonderful benefits, and so on and so on and so on. But no. The only thing it has going for it is the fact that it pays money, and that – try as I might – I can’t manage to get laid off, which is actually a bad thing, if you catch my drift.

Insomnia leads to irritability and depression, both of which are also lots of fun. I’m frustrated, and I’m stuck in a pool of creative stagnation, and I feel like I’ve lost touch with so many of my friends because my work hours have rendered me a relative ghost in this city.

So, in case you were wondering why you haven’t heard from me or why I punched you when you said “well, at least you’ve got a job,” I hope this helps you understand.

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