It’s awkward to blog

So here I am again, writing in here. I’ve been thinking about writing in here again for quite some time, but was inspired to do so this evening after reading my girlfriend’s blog (that she, ironically, hasn’t updated in about ten years).

Too much has happened, and I don’t imagine anyone is really reading this, as the idea of a personal blog has kinda been overtaken by social media, but I’m tired of writing stuff that has no possibility of being seen by anyone but myself. At least with this there’s the possibility that someone else might read it and be all blown away that someone is actually old-school blogging in 2019.

I’ve been meditating a lot lately. I’ve dabbled in it before, but I’ve never gone all in to the extent I am now. This week I’m doing 25 minutes twice a day, which is fucking hard. The mind doesn’t like to be told what to do. Not at all. The mind likes to run and play and jump around and scream and go forward and backward and sideways and be everywhere but the present moment. The body, also, doesn’t like to sit still for extended periods of time, unless it is sleeping. But I’m doing it –– every day, over and over, and over time these moments of change are starting to appear to me. I’m not as reactive as I used to be, I’m not as irritable as I used to be, I can sit and do nothing –– kinda. And I’m not sure if it’s the act of doing it, or the idea of doing it, that’s making the difference, but does it matter? Change is change, so I’m running with this. I’m such an impatient and irritable fuck, anything to quell that is yes please.

I’ve also been doing a ton of yoga, hot yoga, which if you’d told me this a year or two ago I would have said you were crazy, yet here we are. I’m in the best shape of my life, which is kinda amazing (and a bit sad) considering I’m 45 years old. Yet here we are, and I feel pretty okay about all of it.

It’s awkward to blog, and I’m having trouble seeing because there’s a smudge on my glasses, and if I don’t post this now I fear I never will. So goodbye for now, whoever you are –– I’d ask you to post a comment, but who comments on blogs anymore?

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