Owen: Attempted Thumb-Suck

(This is, without doubt, the cutest video I have ever shot.)

ignore my condition

The sun is coming up, which means that once again I have been up all night editing, this time working on the second of two music videos for the band NICKCASEY, both of which are premiering next Sunday at The Living Room (a music venue on the Lower East Side).

Times like this I usually ask myself why I work like this––anxiety-ridden procrastination broken by manic bursts of work, usually necessitating a final extended manic burst of work as the deadline nears.  I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, and for a variety of reasons, but with editing I’ve realized that I bring a whole new set of neurosis to the table.  I feel like the hard work and time and money that everyone has put into this (or any) project comes down to me, and I take that (perhaps too much) to heart, and it paralyzes me creatively.

I’m also somewhat of a perfectionist, which doesn’t help, either.  Nor does the fact that I’ve come to the conclusion that I do my best work in these all-night manic bursts, which––true or not––is not healthy and needs to be tempered somewhat.

My point, if I have one, is that I’ve only recently come to understand my work-habits in this way, and (as we all know) understanding is the key to something-something.

Something-something like change.

Here’s a song that occurred to me while writing this:

      In The Morning – Built To Spill

Owen: Screen Test

3 Taylors

Muir Woods – 11.4.10

Maintain.

Tell yourself that everything is going to be fine.

Tell yourself you’re not alone. Tell yourself you’re not crazy. Tell yourself you’re doing the best you can.

Tell yourself that this life is just a fragment of the whole.

Take your medicine. Say please and thank you. Smile.

Live in the moment. Maintain perspective. Eat healthy. Go for walks.

Try harder. Try again. Try everything once.

Keep moving.

Maintain.

Thrive.

Owen


my nephew

I flew to San Francisco today to meet my almost brand-new nephew Owen, which I did. He’s as charming as a human can be after only a month and a half of life, which essentially boils down to the somewhat crazy-eyed stare of someone who is overwhelmed by the sheer newness of everything. He also sleeps and eats and shits and cries a lot, but he’s my nephew so it’s all ok.

Earlier tonight, when my sister suddenly put him in my arms and he abruptly stopped crying, I felt a sort of love that is impossible to describe. Not because it’s cheesy or corny, although in this cynical age it probably would be considered so, but because it actually defies description.

As strange as it might sound, I felt like we understood each other right away.

Can life be both profoundly enlightening and entirely bewildering at the same time? I’d propose that it has always been so, but it takes a guy like Owen to come along and shine a light on the whole big magical mess for us to truly recognize it.

sex St Station



sex St Station, originally uploaded by onefjef.