space pants

"Are you wearing space pants, because I’d like to take a rocket to Uranus."

fell in love with a prostitute

Two nights ago I had a dream that I fell in love with a prostitute.  When I told my parents about her and they asked me what she did for a living, I responded: "She’s a baker."

I’ve been hired to make a short documentary about my uncle’s new business, which is positive news both because it will be good experience and it will slow the fountain of debt which has been spraying since I began film school.  It also justifies my recent purchase of a DV camera, as well as my imminent purchase of accessories for said DV camera. 

I’m going down to Columbus today with two of my cousins for a Christmas party being held by two other cousins of mine.  I look forward to much drinking resulting in embarrassing family moments caught on tape. 

surprised and not

I am surprised and not so surprised to admit that I miss Korea.  I miss my strange life in Asia.

whine and stare

So, here I be at the lovely and unnervingly mundane Panera Bread in North Olmsted, sipping a Sierra Mist that I purchased to justify my exploitation of their free WiFi.  At the table adjacent to mine, an (apparent) mother is asking her two (apparent) children what Santa said to them.  Christmas is much more fun for children–I think that some people have children just to recapture the magic of Christmas (and everything else) through unjaded eyes.  My eyes are usually way too jaded.

December has been full of free time, free time for me to reflect.  Reflection is bad, excepting that supplied by mirrors.  I think of calling Lauren, who is in the States for three weeks visiting her family in Virginia, but I’m not sure what I would say or why I’d even be calling.  I’d be calling because I am lonely and missing the (albeit brief) time I spent with her, just as I am missing all the women who still know me better than most people.  Reflection does this to me, and I find myself looking forward to the distraction of school, while dreading the workload that will come with it.

Do I use too many commas?

One of the children at the adjacent table has started to whine and stare at me suspiciously, which is my cue to leave.

my cosmic insignificance

The moments I hate the most are the ones where I can see through everything and into the apparent pointlessness of it all.  The older I get, the more time I find myself simply trying to avoid these moments, or trying to convince myself that there is more than just this time on this spinning ball of dirt.   

When I was very young I used to lie in bed contemplating my cosmic insignificance and the finite nature of my existence, now I’m happy to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. 

And with that, I bid myself sweet dreams, and the rest of you a Wednesday full of precious distraction.

Me & Dean @ Mars

Me & Dean @ Mars

the more likely culprit

There is lots of snow here, and it is very cold.  Everywhere is white and gray, and sounds get sucked out of the air as soon as they are created.  It feels like its been a while since I’ve seen the sun, but it could have come out yesterday.

Something is making me depressed, and to blame my environment is easier than addressing the mountain of neurosis that are the more likely culprit.

About an hour ago I saw a herd of deer in the front yard, they appeared cold and confused.  I tried to video them, but by the time I got my camera and back to the window most of them were gone.  Where deer go in the suburbs I have no idea–they must be very skilled hiders.

sing along

Tonight I realized that I don’t like people who sing along at concerts. Many people sing along at concerts.