my winged-fucking-chariot

My last day as an English teacher in South Korea has come at last.  I’ve spent much of the morning trying to decide exactly how I feel about this, and I have concluded that I am mostly relieved.  The responsibility of teaching is stressful to me–being accountable for the English acquisition of these kids is a bit overwhelming at times, and I found myself getting (perhaps) overly upset when a class went badly.  This is just CDI I am writing of, the rest of my teaching jobs here were comparable to the experience a dancing monkey has at a circus, albeit without the pink tutu and the applause.  Oh, if only there had been a pink tutu and applause… 

Once my classes are over today, I will slowly exhale and then take a nap.

Leaving my job at CDI has been full of awkward goodbyes with co-workers that I never got to know well enough to make for comfortable goodbyes.  I have made a few relatively good friends in my three months here, but for the most part I have remained typically aloof.  Why go through the effort to become friends with people only to say goodbye to them in a month?  This is not to say that I have been pushing people away, only that I have (generally) made few sincere efforts at pulling them in.  This behavior is very typical of me, I think. 

This strange plan is random at best.
This strange, how much more can I take?

This strange change in atmosphere
and in gravity, too, and its severity.

This strange day is almost over
just started to get sick of it.

-Built To Spill, "Strange"

I am doing my best to leave my life in Korea as neatly as possible.  I have come to the realization, and to accept, that some bygones must be left bygones.  I’ve been told that I am too forgiving of people, and while this may be true, I have difficulty letting go of unresolved past messiness.  I forgive easily, but I often have trouble forgetting.  That being said, there is some past messiness that I will leave Korea without rehashing, while there is some that I am glad to have been able to resolve before my departure.  Life is an inherently messy thing, it’s all we can do to try and clean up what we can, and leave the rest to the maids of time. 

Right.  "The maids of time."  I’m Andrew-fucking-Marvell now, and there’s my winged-fucking-chariot.

1 comment to my winged-fucking-chariot

  • A quick note to a fellow Clevelander to let you know I enjoyed reading your blog, and to wish you good luck and all the best as you continue forward.

    Nomad

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